Conversations on Mental Health, Human Connection & Healing

When Your 13-Year-Old Tells You What She Needs

Hello friends,

My daughter sent me a text this week that I haven't stopped thinking about.

She's 13, just started 8th grade, and in her own words, she told me she's about to change.

She told me there will be times when she'll act in ways I won't like. She'll probably be rude sometimes without meaning to. She'll cry. She'll feel embarrassed. There will be days when she doesn't feel comfortable in her own skin.

And then she asked me, very plainly, to be patient with her while she figures out who she's becoming.

I sat with that message for a while.

There was something incredibly brave about a 13-year-old essentially saying: "I don't completely understand what's about to happen to me either. Please stay with me while I figure it out."

So I decided to tell her the truth too.

I told her that this stage is new to me as well. I was raised very differently than I'm choosing to raise her. There are patterns I've had to unlearn and cycles I've worked hard to break — some of which I didn't even recognize until I became a mother myself. I don't have a perfect roadmap for raising a teenage daughter.

So I asked her for the same thing she was asking from me.

Let's be patient with each other.

The more I thought about our exchange, the more grateful I became that she felt comfortable sending that message in the first place. Because isn't that what we want? We can't prevent our children from struggling. We can't protect them from every difficult emotion, friendship, disappointment, insecurity or mistake. But I want my daughter to know she can tell me what's happening inside her — even when what's happening is messy.

Most adults struggle to articulate their emotions that clearly. Somehow my 13-year-old managed to give her parents advance warning. 😂

I'll take it.

This is what connection looks like in our house right now. We're figuring it out together.

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Something I'm Really Excited About at Ellie

At Ellie Mental Health – Concord, we're getting closer to launching our first parent support group through the Path To Hope™ Community Learning Series, beginning with parents of children with ADHD.

And the timing couldn't be better. We're welcoming a new clinician to our Ellie Concord family who brings extensive experience facilitating groups like these, and I'm genuinely excited about what her expertise will bring to the program.

This series comes from something I wished I'd had while navigating my own children's mental health challenges: a place where parents could learn, ask questions, share experiences, and realize they weren't the only family trying to figure this out.

I can't wait to see parents sitting in that room together.

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🎙️ Path To Hope™ Podcast Update

Okay...

THE INTRO IS RECORDED! 😂

Those of you who've been following along know how ridiculously self-conscious I became about recording it. I can speak on a stage. I can be interviewed on someone else's podcast. Apparently, putting myself alone in front of a camera and saying, "Welcome to Path To Hope..." was another matter entirely.

But I finally did it.

The guest campaign is also underway, and we're beginning the process of identifying and inviting the people I want to bring into these conversations.

Every week it becomes a little more real. And I cannot wait for you to hear it.

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Path To Hope™ Learning Corner

CONNECT: Sometimes connection starts with saying less.

One part of the Path To Hope™ framework is connection, and my daughter's text reminded me of what that actually looks like.

When someone we love tells us something difficult, our instinct is often to respond immediately. We reassure. We explain. We give advice. We tell them why they shouldn't feel that way. We try to fix it. Especially as parents.

But connection often begins before any of that. It begins with curiosity.

"Tell me more."
"What does that feel like for you?"
"What do you need from me right now?"
"Do you want me to listen, or do you want help figuring this out?"

That last question alone can change a conversation.

Connection doesn't mean agreeing with everything our children say or abandoning boundaries. And it certainly doesn't mean tolerating hurtful behavior simply because someone is struggling. It means creating enough emotional safety that honesty can exist alongside those boundaries.

My daughter wasn't asking me to excuse everything she might do over the next few years. She was asking me to understand that she's changing.

And I was able to tell her: So am I.

Maybe that's where some of our best conversations begin — two people willing to admit, we're both figuring this out. Let's stay connected while we do.

Until our next conversation,

Saroni
Author • Speaker • Mental Health Advocate

P.S. If this week's Learning Corner made you think of another parenting or mental health question you'd like me to explore, reply to this email. Some of those questions may even become conversations on the Path To Hope™ Podcast. 💛

Founder, Path To Hope™
Owner, Ellie Mental Health Concord, MO

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